Breast Dressed

 As a Mormon college student I once read an article in Vogue magazine written by a man who went to a cocktail party with lots of very fashionable people. Around this time breast-baring dresses were walking down the runway, but runway and red carpet looks were never intended to be wearable as is.

Sure, Madonna might expose her lovelies for the cameras, but she probably won’t go to the gas station like that, or a cocktail party…I’m assuming. Most people, even celebrities, who buy dresses like the naked breast dress, would wear something to cover up, at least a little.

Anyway, this guy writing the article saw a woman with her breasts exposed at a cocktail party. This wasn’t an accident, it was one of those dresses, and just like Madonna on stage, she didn’t cover anything.

The Article Man, or TAM, wondered what kind of woman would wear a dress like that in public, so he approached her. He found out she was a recent college graduate from a Mormon school called Ricks in Idaho. She said the school was a terrible place with lots of rules that were hard on the students. He wondered what their take on exposed breasts were, but didn’t ask. He also wondered if she was still Mormon, and decided she wasn’t because she said Mormons don’t allow alcohol usage and she had a drink in her hand. They talked a bit more until TAM was eased out of the circle by other men wanting her attention. He circled the guests, but no one else seemed as interesting as that woman. He intended on getting back to her. He thought about getting her number, asking her out, getting to know her better, but he saw her leave before he could get back to her.

TAM thought about this woman for days afterward (even wrote an article about her) he couldn’t figure her out. Was she fun and wild or just riding the edge of crazy? Would a relationship with her be exilerating or chaotic and draining? He came to the conclusion that he was probably not adventurous enough for a woman like that, but he was a little sad that he didn’t get to know her better.

That was about it, the article summed up.

“You can leave the church, but you can’t leave it alone.” That blurb is often sung by Mormon members. “People who leave the church are so angry because Satan has gotten ahold of their hearts. They are fighting against the true church because truth and happiness makes them angry. But Satan always abandons his followers.”

After reading this article, I thought about this bare breasted woman. Satan had taken hold of her heart and then abandoned her. Now she was slightly crazy, walking around half naked at a cocktail party, thinking she was cool and sexy when really she was unhinged, unable to talk about anything but her anger at the church.

I felt justified. I was on the right side of this battle. God’s side. The winning side. The truth.

Twenty years later, the tables have turned. I wasn’t on the right side at all. Now I’m the angry ex-mormon and I understand exactly where that bare breasted woman (who was probably smoking hot) was coming from mentally. No, she wasn’t crazy. She was probably in the middle of a faith crisis.

Faith Crisis. When people who have been born and raised in the church find out it is irrufutably untrue they go through a sort of temporary insanity. This state is called a faith crisis. In this state the person is rebuilding their sense of reality. Rules no longer apply. The person doesn’t know who they can trust. They can’t even trust themselves. It is a frightening and tumultuous time.

I completely understand wearing a breast bearing dress to a cocktail party. I went through a phase where I would have done the same thing. During my faith crisis I thought about that woman again, and instead of feeling superior to her, I have understanding. Instead of thinking she is crazy I recognize that she probably moved on and remembers that as a sad time in her life, hopefully not filled with too much regret.