A Queer Life

I am blogging (in case you haven't noticed) and I have lots of mixed feelings about this. Feeling number one is the topic of the day. Posting a blog on the internet...public...World Wide Web...with global accessibility. Why would someone do that? To be read. Because you have something to say. Attention for your ideas or yourself but attention is the ultimate and only reason.  I feel shame around any attention seeking no matter how subtle, this shame applies to myself and others. Whenever I watch YouTube and vloggers start clamoring for attention, I feel revulsion at the hunger of it.  I could just let people do their own thing, to each his own, que sera sera and all that. Just because they have different needs than mine doesn't make them bad or wrong; logically I know this, but logic isn't part of this equation. I feel disgusted and I feel cruel for my disgust. My abject distain for attention seekers is probably a dysfunction on my part. I assume it is normal and human to w...

Most people believe sex work is immoral but especially religious people. Only recently has sex work become sort of normalized, but still not really.   Anyway, it’s probably no surprise that growing up, I was taught that sex workers were basically soulless meat husks. And yet, I was intrigued by the idea of being a stripper, or a prostitute, or a porn star. I would see shows on TV with sex workers and think, why aren’t they having fun? I would have fun. But, of course, I would never because that was evil. Good thing I had the church keeping me on the straight and narrow, otherwise I would have sold my soul to the devil years ago. It just looks like such a good time. Well, now I’m not Mormon anymore.  Nowadays there are so many ways to work independently as a writer, or a moviemaker, or a porn star. Now I’m older, less fit, less attractive in lots of ways, but the desire to be a sex worker hasn’t left. And here I am, on the verge of separating from my husband, I need to f...

I saw him the first time when I was shopping, not applying for a job. I applied for a job a few weeks before and they hired someone else. But I liked the store, I liked the whole damn company, so I kept shopping there despite my bitterness at not being hired. So there I was, in the store, browsing, when a door to the back opened and for a brief second before it closed again I saw the inner company workings, but mostly I saw him . I had seen enough videos, I knew who he was. He was the company president. This store was a small extension of a company that created a lifestyle (and sometimes, an obsession) for women that encompassed principles of clothing, hair, makeup, personality, relationships, child-rearing (and more!). They created videos, wrote blogs, and held events educating their customers on their system. I knew all the company’s main players. Aleiah was one of the mainest and he was Tom, her husband. That moment of seeing him struck me like a holy vision. Our eyes didn’t meet a...

  Seeking a Nanny We are looking for a hot lesbian to look after our two boys. I guess you could be bisexual. My husband and I are polyamorous so we’re both cool if you want to have sex with either of us, or both of us. We’re looking for long-term commitment. We’re looking for a new family member. This isn’t just about sex (although sex is important), so that makes us the opposite of unicorn hunters, right? We will give you room and board and a nice warm bed (really nice, really warm). We are both quite attractive, but our tastes in women differ, so don’t be too disappointed if you only end up with one of us. Oh yeah, and the boys are cute too.