A Queer Life

Good morning, my lovely readers, I can't be my usual glib, lighthearted self today because this topic upsets me to my core. If you came here for the jokes, you should wait until next month, or whenever I post again. I remember getting on to YouTube and finding my recommended videos were all Amber and Johnny in court. Without ever clicking on a video I became aware that Johnny Depp and Amber Heard had married and now hated each other and the public was taking sides and that side was mostly Johnny's.  Johnny Depp has been a media heartthrob since I was a child. I remember seeing his face on TV and me, who is mostly immune to celebrities's good looks, was startled straight up in my chair. My God, he is stunning. And I remembered his name and I kept my eyes out for that incredible face. And that name and that face have endured over the decades.  But even Johnny Depp with his gorgeous face and circus showman demeanor lost interest for me over the years. (I wasn't against him...

When your spouse gets a little upset, just remember a simple “calm down” in a soothing voice is all it takes to get them a lot more upset. Hello my pretties! Do you want a little story today? Let's have story time. Personally, I hate wedding culture. I don't hate that it exists, I just hate it for myself. Throwing a big princess party for me and my Ken doll just seems like a giant pretentious embarrassment. And I hate that it is shoved onto women because "that's what women want", when, surprise!, women are not all the same. And nowhere is wedding culture more pronounced than in Mormonism, complete with the castle-temple at the center of your wedding day. Temple marriage is a big deal for Mormons. It is the biggest deal. And I mean the BIGGEST deal.  Because it is such a big deal, every bride-to-be is very proud of their impending temple marriage. Wedding invitations feature the temple, plus the announcement of the wedding inside the giant glowing building. Even if...

I'm back so soon. Blogging has been on the back burner of my mind, and the smell is finally getting to me.  Most of my life I have avoided having a voice. Some people call that being shy. I am shy, but I don't know if avoiding my own humanness and the space I take up, is part of that. But blogging is definitely a way to express myself in a way that is comfortable to me. Dare I even announce that I am considering doing a 30 day challenge to blog every day? I worry that once I announce it, I will run away and stop blogging for two years, or just abandon this blog and start another one where no one can find me. (I'm always doing that. I don't even remember all the random blogs I've started. But, like I said, I run when I know I'm being read. I run when I hear my own voice being echoed back to me through my audience. Making a difference terrifies me. Affecting people terrifies me. Hurting anyone terrifies me. I live in terror. I live in terror. But that's not wh...

It was 2012. I sat on a grassy knoll talking to a friend during a church activity. It was May, the weather was lovely. The details of that moment are still vivid fourteen years later. I remember my white pants and the freckles on my friend's nose.  "It is May," I said.  "Yeah," she closed her eyes under the sunshine with a smile. "It's nice." "In January I saw a flyer for an event in March," I said. "I remember at the time thinking: March is so far away, it will never come. But it will. It did. And now it's May." "Time is like that," she said, blinking and squinting to find her kids. Once satisfied, she leaned back on her elbows in the grass. "There was a day when 2012 seemed like a fantasy. Now it is here. And there will be a day when 2012 is a distant memory and it will only become more distant." "Hmmm." "Time just keeps going. Teasing us and stomping on us and soothing us all at once....