A Queer Life

"If the Mormon Church weren't true, it would never have survived testimony meeting."- My mom Hello my pretties! I just listened to a thirteen hour audiobook about the occult. Having grown up Mormon, this changed everything for me. The first Sunday of every month Mormons devote a meeting to baring their testimonies. All two hundred and fifty of us sit in silence waiting for someone to approach the podium and talk about how we know the church is true. This testimony usually begins with the person talking about how the Spirit prompted them to get up. This is often followed by some uncomfortable declaration, like how they really love their family even though they don't show it. Or how they are grateful for God's love even though they are a sinner. Then they usually tell a story proving that God loves and blesses his faithful children; like walking away from an intersection minutes before a car crashes there.  Everyone has these kinds of stories. I used to collect them...

Sometimes I feel deep shame about the amount of time I spend on YouTube, watching pointless shit and reading comments. I feel like I'm looking for something and I'm disappointed. Obviously some YouTubers and their videos are more fulfilling than others and sometimes I feel like watching a video is worthwhile. I will sit and watch a two hour video just staring at someone's face with rapt attention. I will regularly pause to read comments, to see if anyone has anything to add to the discourse. I have spent hours and hours and hours of my day doing this. Then I feel shame when I look up from my phone to see the house messy and my mind hazy and the kids hungry and I don't know what month it is.  I like watching creators who have interesting things to say, new points of view, or just funny points of view on anything. I find a channel and I think: "This is the one. This is my favorite YouTuber from now until the end of time." I have even contributed to the occasiona...