A Queer Life

Good morning, my lovely readers, I can't be my usual glib, lighthearted self today because this topic upsets me to my core. If you came here for the jokes, you should wait until next month, or whenever I post again. I remember getting on to YouTube and finding my recommended videos were all Amber and Johnny in court. Without ever clicking on a video I became aware that Johnny Depp and Amber Heard had married and now hated each other and the public was taking sides and that side was mostly Johnny's.  Johnny Depp has been a media heartthrob since I was a child. I remember seeing his face on TV and me, who is mostly immune to celebrities's good looks, was startled straight up in my chair. My God, he is stunning. And I remembered his name and I kept my eyes out for that incredible face. And that name and that face have endured over the decades.  But even Johnny Depp with his gorgeous face and circus showman demeanor lost interest for me over the years. (I wasn't against him...

"Three," we said unanimously about the crazy looking woman walking in the library door.  "And the only reason she gets such a high score is because she is so interesting," Jaime elaborated.  We had been rating people at work for several weeks now; it passed the time and gave us a few laughs. But one day we looked at each other. "We never rate ourselves," I said.  "I'm too scared," he said.  "Yeah." "And really it depends on the day," he added. "Yeah." I looked down, afraid to meet his eye. I didn't want his harsh eye judging me. I didn't even want to judge myself. "Some days I might be as low as a four and others I might be a ten. Depending on how my eyebrows look. Or how skinny I feel. And doesn't personality have a lot to do with attraction?" "Yeah." "A person can increase their score by three or four points just by putting a little effort into their look, having a little co...

I'm back so soon. Blogging has been on the back burner of my mind, and the smell is finally getting to me.  Most of my life I have avoided having a voice. Some people call that being shy. I am shy, but I don't know if avoiding my own humanness and the space I take up, is part of that. But blogging is definitely a way to express myself in a way that is comfortable to me. Dare I even announce that I am considering doing a 30 day challenge to blog every day? I worry that once I announce it, I will run away and stop blogging for two years, or just abandon this blog and start another one where no one can find me. (I'm always doing that. I don't even remember all the random blogs I've started. But, like I said, I run when I know I'm being read. I run when I hear my own voice being echoed back to me through my audience. Making a difference terrifies me. Affecting people terrifies me. Hurting anyone terrifies me. I live in terror. I live in terror. But that's not wh...