A Queer Life

When your spouse gets a little upset, just remember a simple “calm down” in a soothing voice is all it takes to get them a lot more upset. Hello my pretties! Do you want a little story today? Let's have story time. Personally, I hate wedding culture. I don't hate that it exists, I just hate it for myself. Throwing a big princess party for me and my Ken doll just seems like a giant pretentious embarrassment. And I hate that it is shoved onto women because "that's what women want", when, surprise!, women are not all the same. And nowhere is wedding culture more pronounced than in Mormonism, complete with the castle-temple at the center of your wedding day. Temple marriage is a big deal for Mormons. It is the biggest deal. And I mean the BIGGEST deal.  Because it is such a big deal, every bride-to-be is very proud of their impending temple marriage. Wedding invitations feature the temple, plus the announcement of the wedding inside the giant glowing building. Even if...

Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!" Hello my pretties! Once upon a time I was married to a man named Tyler. I knew something was wrong with our relationship, but it was like he cast a deep, black magic spell, creating confusion and brain fog whenever I thought about our marriage. We stumbled onto polyamory as an answer.  There are books about polyamory. There are blog posts about polyamory. There are polyamorous people. There are polyamorous groups. I devoured all the information I found. How exactly did it work?  "It can be anything you want it to be," people responded.  "Right, but what about the details?" I asked.  "Communication is very important," they responded. "Most problems are resolved with communication." "Okay, but I mean what about other details?" "Like what specifically?" "Like what if your partner has a new partner and they are bouncing around with excitement and you are ...

Polygon - reverting back to monogamy... Hello my magic bean buyers! I want to talk about my polyamorous days dating Charles. Why? I don't know. Just because.  Charles was too young for me. Let's get that out of the way right now. He was too young, but I needed an ego boost and a distraction, and Charles wasn't demanding. At first Charles was enjoyable company. He was a good listener and seemed to have an active life: competitive sword fighting, visiting family in the country, building an elaborate haunted house, vacationing at a lake in Oklahoma.  And then we had sex.  We had sex because my relationship with my husband, Tyler, needed to change and having sex with Charles seemed like it would do the trick.  But before we had sex, I wanted to call Tyler.  Charles said, "Aren't you guys separating anyway?"  "Yes." He shrugged like he just won an argument and suddenly I hated him. I still wanted to have sex with him though. And because I can't say no...

In my post called The Perfect… I fell in love with a married man, my boss, and for the first time I considered polyamory as a valid option. I felt like I belonged with him and his wife. But that would never happen because…you know, all the things. Having sex with Tom would result in a broken marriage, just like all those adultery movies I saw as a kid. Those left me with lasting terror.   One day when Charles and I were making love in his room for hours and his other partner knocked on the door, he said give us five minutes and we scrambled to get dressed. It felt a bit like those adultery movies. Except there was no real fear. I couldn’t live a life of deception, but pretending to was kind of fun.  When leaving that job and Tom and I were saying goodbye we hugged, and touched for the first time. I had been wanting to touch him, hug him, fuck him for over a year, but when it happened, I didn’t even notice. Several days later I thought: “Wait a second! I should have felt chi...