A Queer Life

Good morning, my lovely readers, I can't be my usual glib, lighthearted self today because this topic upsets me to my core. If you came here for the jokes, you should wait until next month, or whenever I post again. I remember getting on to YouTube and finding my recommended videos were all Amber and Johnny in court. Without ever clicking on a video I became aware that Johnny Depp and Amber Heard had married and now hated each other and the public was taking sides and that side was mostly Johnny's.  Johnny Depp has been a media heartthrob since I was a child. I remember seeing his face on TV and me, who is mostly immune to celebrities's good looks, was startled straight up in my chair. My God, he is stunning. And I remembered his name and I kept my eyes out for that incredible face. And that name and that face have endured over the decades.  But even Johnny Depp with his gorgeous face and circus showman demeanor lost interest for me over the years. (I wasn't against him...

A dying man with his wife by his side, said, "I have something to confess." "There isn't anything to confess," his wife replied. "Everything is ok."  "No, no, I must die in peace," he said. "I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"  "I know," whispered his wife, "that's why I poisoned you." Hello my pretties! What the hell is the deal with forgiveness? I mean really. Hearing about forgiveness as a kid, I thought sure, whatever, but the older I get the angrier it makes me. Want to hear my angry rant? Let's talk.  My Sunday School teachers said things like: "Withholding forgiveness cankers your soul." Or "A lack of forgiveness hurts you more than the person you refuse to forgive." And because church wires you to absorb without filters, I believed them. It made logical sense. Don't keep thinking about all the pain you experienced; forget about it ...

Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!" Hello my pretties! Once upon a time I was married to a man named Tyler. I knew something was wrong with our relationship, but it was like he cast a deep, black magic spell, creating confusion and brain fog whenever I thought about our marriage. We stumbled onto polyamory as an answer.  There are books about polyamory. There are blog posts about polyamory. There are polyamorous people. There are polyamorous groups. I devoured all the information I found. How exactly did it work?  "It can be anything you want it to be," people responded.  "Right, but what about the details?" I asked.  "Communication is very important," they responded. "Most problems are resolved with communication." "Okay, but I mean what about other details?" "Like what specifically?" "Like what if your partner has a new partner and they are bouncing around with excitement and you are ...

I'm back so soon. Blogging has been on the back burner of my mind, and the smell is finally getting to me.  Most of my life I have avoided having a voice. Some people call that being shy. I am shy, but I don't know if avoiding my own humanness and the space I take up, is part of that. But blogging is definitely a way to express myself in a way that is comfortable to me. Dare I even announce that I am considering doing a 30 day challenge to blog every day? I worry that once I announce it, I will run away and stop blogging for two years, or just abandon this blog and start another one where no one can find me. (I'm always doing that. I don't even remember all the random blogs I've started. But, like I said, I run when I know I'm being read. I run when I hear my own voice being echoed back to me through my audience. Making a difference terrifies me. Affecting people terrifies me. Hurting anyone terrifies me. I live in terror. I live in terror. But that's not wh...