Forgiveness is a virtue that should be shoved up.....

A dying man with his wife by his side, said, "I have something to confess."

"There isn't anything to confess," his wife replied. "Everything is ok." 

"No, no, I must die in peace," he said. "I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!" 

"I know," whispered his wife, "that's why I poisoned you."

Hello my pretties!

What the hell is the deal with forgiveness? I mean really. Hearing about forgiveness as a kid, I thought sure, whatever, but the older I get the angrier it makes me. Want to hear my angry rant? Let's talk. 

My Sunday School teachers said things like: "Withholding forgiveness cankers your soul." Or "A lack of forgiveness hurts you more than the person you refuse to forgive." And because church wires you to absorb without filters, I believed them. It made logical sense. Don't keep thinking about all the pain you experienced; forget about it or you'll be wallowing in pain. So forgiveness was stuck onto the gluey glob of church to do lists that would make God love me. 

But I never thought about what forgiveness means until I ended an abusive relationship and even though the shithead was gone, his ghost haunted me. Walking across campus I heard him laughing at me, his criticisms darkened the sun and my stomach curled in self hatred. His ghost was worse than the real version. 

I thought the key to his exorcism was forgiveness. He haunted me because I hadn't forgiven him. That made sense...to me...at the time.

So I said to myself, I said, "You need to forgive." And then I stopped because I realized I had been given no instructions on how to forgive. All this talk about forgiveness at church and no practical advice. 

So every night I prayed to know how to forgive. I prayed that I would be able to forgive that fuck face. And even though I don't believe in God anymore, at the time it felt like God accommodated my request. And every time his ghost showed up I looked him in his proverbial eye and told him I forgave him. Magic. 

But many more things have happened in my life since then and I have revisited this forgiveness thing a few times and my conclusion is this: when someone orders someone else to forgive, they are a condescending bastard. When someone bestows forgiveness on someone else, they are a condescending bastard. When someone begs for forgiveness they probably just want to avoid facing real consequences. 

"God forgives whom he forgives, but of you it is required to forgive all men." Whoever said this was probably a fucking asshole who put himself on a high horse and looked down on the miserables groveling at his feet while he pretended to be the mouthpiece of God, bestowing and refusing forgiveness at his whim. Then saying shit like that to virtue signal. Now that I'm out of it, it is all so obvious. 

Besides all that, who is to say what forgiveness looks like to you? 

Talking about forgiveness is shit because forgiveness is personal. Telling anyone how they should handle forgiveness is a violation of their boundaries. 

Saying all of this feels so strange after a lifetime of being pounded with ideas that forgiveness is my duty and blah blah blah. 

Today is national mimosa day because we all need it right now.

With love and kisses,

Sophia McVie