Obsessed

There was a time when Tyler and I had been married about four years. Tyler told his coworker that he struck gold when he married me. Tyler and I shared everything. We could say it was paradise. 

But something bothered me. Maybe it was our tenuous financial situation. Maybe because owning a home was a fantasy rather than a goal. Maybe I was overwhelmed by Tyler’s exwife taking us to court twice a year and the lawyer bills stacking up. So we moved two states away where we could afford a house, live cheaper, and his exwife would leave us alone. Everything would be better. 


And it was true, we moved, bought a house, had more disposable income, and his exwife left us alone because we were so far away she couldn’t complain anymore. We even left Mormonism. We were essentially free. But something still bothered me and this time I wasn’t distracted like I was before.


I began feeling homosexual desires. We toyed with polyamory and dated a little. And then we uncovered some dysfunction in our relationship.  


We had an addicted, obsessive dynamic. We spoke of love and we held each other for hours, but we wanted to possess and control. Polyamory forced us to see our possession and control for what it was. We had raging fights and passionate makeups. We were exhausted all the time until Tyler broke up with Natalie.


We were hetero mono until we weren’t. As soon as polyamory came back so did all the  obsession. I need to trust him. I need to let him live his life while I live mine. But that would be dismantling the foundation of our relationship or at least a major part of it. And therein lies the problem. Now our old dynamic is hurting us but letting go puts our relationship at risk. 


Our choices are:

  1. Stay together, monogamous in the old dynamic, suffering, suffocating, and stagnant. 
  2. Break up and build new relationships with other people.
  3. Become polyamorous, build relationships with other people while trying to figure out a new relationship with each other and risk losing everything. 

We picked option three.


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